Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
