If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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