Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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