I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
