obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
