There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
