So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
