he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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