It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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