Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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