i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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