I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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