M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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