halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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