last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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