I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
