So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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