Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Congratulations! We have a period
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
