i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
