Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
