oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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