Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
