ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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