as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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