Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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