Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am available for nakedness
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
