'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Blood and glitter go together right?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
