help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
