That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
