Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
