i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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