she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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