NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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