Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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