My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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