How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
