I bet he comes in French.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
