i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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