Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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