Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
