That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
