just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize
