Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
