I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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