i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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