shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
