Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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