She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
