I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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