how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
