So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
