your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
